Interpersonal Problem Grid

The Interpersonal Problem Grid is a tool to assist looking at an interpersonal problem or conflict from a variety of perspectives. This can help to develop a fuller picture of the nature of the problem and where change may be possible.

A more detailed explanation and example of how the interpersonal problem grid can be used can be found in the article “It’s not me – it’s you” – a problem of perspective.

“I have an anger problem” – time for assertiveness

Often when people talk about having an “anger problem” what they really have is an aggression problem. What’s the difference?

I have often found that people whose aggressive behaviour lands them in trouble actually have very good reasons to be angry… but there is a problem with their anger being directed at the wrong people and being expressed in the wrong way.

Anger is an emotion that motivates us to take action. Our response to anger falls on a scale ranging from passivity at one end – taking no action and pretending we weren’t angry to begin with; and aggression at the other end – raging, shouting, punching, throwing …
Continue reading

Four ways to handle a fight

Conflict. Most people hate it. Because we hate it, we usually do what we can to avoid it (an example of experiential avoidance). But sometimes avoiding conflict actually makes it worse.
Conflict creates anger
There are essentially four ways we can handle a fight or disagreement with someone – four broad types of strategy for handling interpersonal conflict.

Continue reading